My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
