ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The power of my boobs compel you
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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