I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
