It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
