When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
