hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
