Umm I'm too high to move.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
