Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
