if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
