Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
