i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
