My liver just broke up with me...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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