There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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