a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize