I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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