well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
