He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
