i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize