The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
