after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
