Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
