last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
