I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
