my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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