all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
