my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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