I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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