i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
