there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
