Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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