good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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