a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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