she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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