Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
