Soap is not a condiment
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize