remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She's the barista slut.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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