fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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