You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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