My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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