We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
