captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
