fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize