Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
