May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
