just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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