I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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