I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
