I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
