the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
