So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
