i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
