I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Randomize
