Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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