The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
