Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
