Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
