Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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