im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
