How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
