So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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