thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize