I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Are we still banned from the library?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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